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Writer's pictureZoe Thomas

Flat notes - Flat hopes šŸŽ¼

Ever since I can remember I would tilt my head when I was taken with something (yes like a doggo), but that was a sign I was really listening to something, that I was really engaged. And hats off to whoever or whatever was engaging me, because I have the attention span of a magpie. You know - the black magestic bird with a red marking (yes like a black widow) What can I say? Powerful woman are my spirit animals. Fierce but still girlie cause like magpies, I love love love and get distracted by shiny things.


For me, my shiny thing is a diamond in the rough. Iā€™m sorry not sorry, for all the metaphors here. anyways my diamond is music. I love everything about it. The kind of rustic, artistic weave of melody and scratchy, sexy, sound that comes from a guitar. The way the singer with his charisma and dynamic woven duo of melody and lyrics, seems to represent every musician thatā€™s ever lived. No matter what style, what sound. Music brings people together, gets people talking, feeling.

When I was a younger tyke in high school, some people wanted to be a dentist or a doctor or an astronaut. When someone asked me? I wanted to be someone who invoked emotion and vulnerability. Yea, most people stared at me - imagine a younger teen saying all that ! Like pick a career or something right? Eventually I came to the theory that a musician did that. So however I knew how, I would do that. I dated,I studied cooking, but it always came back to music. I couldnā€™t shake music. Music tagged along with me and I fell in love. As my title suggests, I am a romantic. Music allowed me to express all of that sappy romantic blazing sunset of emotion; that passion. So that was my path I mean, it had to be.


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Remember when I talked about my attention span? Well thereā€™s something called executive disfunction. Those with ADHD struggle a lot with it. We struggle to complete tasks. Sometimes we get sh*t done and we slay the day. Other times, we struggle to do anything without getting stuck. This is a huge issue for me. Couple that with Ocdā€™s avoidance behaviors, depression.. yea you can guess what my life was like for awhile; a dry wasteland with not many friends and not much fun in my life. Music, poetry writing in the back of my car, on a bus, at home on the couch, was there for me though. But.. I wasnā€™t there for music . Iā€™m not at all suggesting my illnesses are the reason for my dissing practicing and ignoring expansion.There is a huge stigma, that people are ā€œlazyā€ when what they have is ADHD. They are not at all. I donā€™t want people to think that.

When I think about it in my case though, I can be extremely unmotivated. Maybe.. I am not cut out to be Kelly Klarkson or James Arthur. DoI have talent? Yes. But they say you accomplish a goal with 99 percent perspiration and 1 percent inspiration. Yea I have the inspiration sometimes, but the hard work? I always tell myself ā€œyou can get by without thatā€ ā€œanything you do isnā€˜t good enough you have to get good before you do it.ā€œ I can be hard on myself. But .. I donā€™t work hard.

Artists work so hard because in art, it is extremely dissed and difficult for people to have a stable career in music. So they work tirelessly to prove they can do it for themselves. To prove people wrong and pursue their dreams. Am I concluding that my craft is the same as their blood sweat and tears? If I can bullshit a few songs or stream some lyrics together is that the same as breaking your hand over one song for months? No. No itā€™s not. In fact Itā€™s an insult to all artists. Maybe Iā€™m losing my old wishes for my art. Maybe I donā€™t care anymore about waking up peopleā€™s hearts and minds. Maybe I got lost on the wood pedestal in the lights in front of a few friends. Music found me and I left my best friend

behind.










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